pp 21-22
Before Michael was born, Rachel had Mommy and Daddy's undivided attention. But as soon as her parents brought Michael home there were big changes. Rachel suddenly had to wait for everything. "Just one minute," Daddy would say when he was busy with Michael's bath and Rachel wanted him to put on a video for her. "You have to wait," Mommy would tell her when she was hungry and wanted a snack. Saddest of all were her evenings when one of her parents would announce, "I can't read to you tonight. Michael is very cranky and I have to calm him down."

pp 31-32
Michael began to get into her things, too. When she was playing with her tea set, Michael would crawl over and knock down any cups and saucers that were in his way. She tried to use her words as she had been instructed, and say, "No! Michael," but, like a Duracell baby, he kept on coming. Michael seemed to want anything that Rachel was playing with.

p. 37
Rachel and Michael's parents tend to side with Michael whenever the two children are quarreling. This is probably since Michael was born, they had to protect him whenever Rachel was around. Rachel would try to put Michael's pacifier into his mouth when he didn't want it; climb into his cradle, or, at times, purposely tried to harm him. Now when the two children are fighting in the next room, the parents will automatically yell, "Rachel, stop fighting with your brother." If Michael has instigated the quarrel by taking away Rachel's marker, Rachel will feel deeply wronged.

P. 49
It is hard for Michael to constantly contend with a verbal, physically stronger, more capable older sister. Rachel can ride a two-wheeler -- he can't. She goes to school and can read and write -- he can't. Rachel can chat endlessly with Mom and Dad about her day at school and family events. Michael can't get a word in edgewise.

p. 52
Help her to understand the reason why she feels inadequate. You might say, "It's hard to be the youngest child in the family. Your brother is older and can do more things than you can." Explain to him that all younger children worry when they can't do the things that their older sister or brother can. It makes them feel that they aren't as good and maybe Mommy and Daddy don't love them as much. But it's not true. Younger children will grow up and be able to do what the older children can do, and Mommy and Daddy have enough love for both of them. In this way, you have provided her with support and an emotional framework for understanding her experience. She feels the way she does because she is a secondborn child.

p. 64
Michael loves Rachel and wants to be with her. In the afternoon, he waits for her to come home from school, and when she arrives, he follows her everywhere. He wants to be in the kitchen with her when she has a snack, and in her room when she's doing her homework, or playing dress-up with her friends. Whether Rachel is reacting to Michael's constant crowding of her and a genuine need for space, is trying to be more separate and grown-up, or is still having trouble accepting his intrusion upon her life by being born--she ends up pushing him away.

P. 69
Help the younger child to assert herself. When you see that she wants to choose the game and her older sibling is shooting her ideas down, intervene and support her. You can say: "Samantha wants to choose the game today. You need to take turns at picking a game to play." Encourage your younger child to speak up, too. She can tell her older sibling, "It's my turn" or "I'm playing with the ball now. You will have to wait."

p. 79
The family is sitting at the dinner table. Mommy is busy cutting up Jenny's chicken and vegetables. Daddy is having a discussion with Rachel about which language she might like to learn when she goes to junior high school. Michael suddenly flings a forkful of mashed potatoes across the table.

P. 81
Sometimes, Michael feels totally left out in the family. Mommy will be busy getting Jenny ready for bed, and Daddy will be in Rachel's room going over her homework. Michael will call out for someone to come and read to him and, in response, receive a chorus of "wait a minute." He often ends up feeling very overlooked and unloved. At times, he will sit in a chair outside his younger sister's room or stand in the doorway of his older sister's room, waiting for someone.

P. 83
If a middle child feels very left out and less loved than his siblings, he can grow up feeling anxious and insecure, and develop low self-esteem. As an adult, he may continue to experience a tremendous hunger for attention wherever he goes. He might sit in a roomful of people at a social, family, or work-related function, and be hyper-aware of whether others are paying attention to him. If as a child he tried to capture the center of attention by telling jokes or by entertaining others with funny stories, he may use the same strategies when grown. If he was accustomed to being left out and felt there was no use in trying, or found that being out of the spotlight was a safer position, he may remain quiet and just fade into the background.

p. 89
Somehow, Rachel's and Jenny's advances seem to be more dramatic than Michael's. There is less of a fuss at almost anything Michael does, whether it is starting to read or joining Little League. Everyone has been there only a short time before with Rachel. Because he's no longer an adorable preschooler and, at his age, he has not as yet shown his true abilities, he can be easily overlooked. (However, since he is the only boy, people may pay him more attention.) Michael's parents often intensify his jealousy by adopting pet names for Jenny, such as "princess," or describing Rachel as "our math whiz." He frequently worries that he is not as special as his sisters and that they are more loved than he is.

p. 99
Address his anger directly. Direct communication is the key. The middle child will feel less alone and act out less if he knows his parents will listen, accept his feelings, and provide him with support and love. They will, in essence, be acting as his allies.

P. 105
Twins learn a great deal from each other. Parents are simply awestruck when one of their twins takes her first steps, the other twin watches, and within seconds begins walking, too. Dora might teach Sadie how to whistle. Sadie might teach Dora how to snap her fingers. The children will bounce ideas off each other and swap information all day long.

P. 106
A truly amazing phenomenon occurs with twins. In my clinical observations, I have found that even when there are only two minutes between their births, the children's birth order takes on tremendous psychological importance. The firstborn twin and the secondborn twin may even assume the roles they would have if there were years between them.

P. 109
Deemphasize their age difference. The question arises: What would happen if twins did not know who was born first and thought that they were both lifted out at the same time?

Since this is probably not a viable way to explain things, perhaps the best thing that you can do for your twins is to deemphasize their age difference. Terms such as the "oldest twin" and the "youngest twin" should rarely be used. When you introduce the children or inscribe their names on their birthday cake, make sure to alternate the order of their names.

p. 125
Along with the positive effects of being an only child, there are some challenges that Christopher may face. Growing up without siblings, Christopher might feel lonely and may lack experience in relating to peers. His adoring parents might overpraise him, fail to set limits with him, or jump in too quickly to solve his problems. As a result, Christopher may end up having unrealistic expectations of himself and others, feeling dependent, and lacking in important social skills. To remedy these problems, it is essential that his parents create ample social opportunities for him, give him a realistic view of himself, teach him basic social skills, set limits with him, and encourage his independence.

p. 129
Because there will be no other children coming along after him, his parents may have a harder time letting go of Christopher and hold on to him too tight for too long. However well-meaning, they may become intrusive and try to control his every choice, even whom he will date. He may end up feeling responsible for their emotional well-being and guilty about any independent move he makes.

p. 133
However, with each successive birth of a new sibling, the child must share her parents' attention even more. As he watches his parents become increasingly overloaded, the oldest child can see the old treasured central focus of attention that she once knew slipping further and further away, and he might feel resentful.